While I was enjoying the summers of Hamilton, DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and Proposition 8, a piece of legislation that originated in California, were struck down in June of 2013. At the time, I was confused as to why so many people were rejoicing because I didn't know exactly what the two acts entailed. I understood Prop 8 as a similar version of my home state's Amendment 1 that also will not allow state recognition of marriage between same-sex couples or heterosexual domestic civil unions. I also remembered seeing commercials in one of my political science classes in high school that were aired in California for upholding Prop 8 and perhaps DOMA. It was not that wasn't excited, I just didn't understand the gravity of what it meant until this particular brown bag discussion.
DOMA essentially defines what the word "spouse" means and that didn't include someone of the same sex. Therefore, marriages couldn't be federally recognized. This leads to tax issues and I know a bit about taxes from my brief experience with the Colgate VITA program. For example, New York as a state now recognizes the marriage of same-sex couples. However, tax law states that a same-sex couple in a married union cannot file taxes jointly. Now that DOMA has been struck down, marriages between same-sex couples can be federally recognized, tax law is sure to change in the coming months to allow same sex couples to file federal taxes jointly in New York but not necessarily for all state taxes.
Each person on the panel ( Brit, Tara, Professor Valente, and Professor Stern), brought something different to the discussion. I guess a high light for me was hearing Professor Valente's story relating to his partner not being able to live with him in the U.S despite the fact that they have legally married twice. Professor's Valente's partner is a citizen of the U.K. Usually when a non-citizen marries a U.S citizen, the non-U.S citizen spouse is granted citizenship and entry into the country through a process. Because of pre- DOMA legislation, the federal government would not recognize the marriage and Professor Valente and his partner could not live together in the country. Now that DOMA is no more, perhaps they will consider getting married again in the U.S for the third time, but "only for the toasters."
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
My Feminist Confessions
Happy Monday (It’s sunny and not freezing in Hamilton so I think it’s been a pretty great Monday so far)! I was originally going to post something about Miley Cyrus, but then I decided against it because just no. Ain’t nobody got time to continue to beat this dead racist horse. Anyway, once I decided against ranting about Hannah Montana, I had a hard time figuring out what to write about in this post. After digging deep into my soul I realized that I need to just be honest. While I am a Ladyist (I’m trying that out in replace of Feminist because I think it’s a cuter word and I love cute words. Let me know what you think.) and have been for quite some time now, I need to come clean about some things I do, believe, say, etc that don’t exactly fall in line with standard Feminist values. Now some of these may be more controversial than others, but the first step toward recovery is admitting the problem right? *nervous laugh*
1. I listen to misogynistic music ALL the time. I know we all agreed that “Blurred Lines” is not the move right now, but it’s still starred in my Spotify. What’s even worse is that that song is only the tip of the iceberg. Don’t get me started on my heartbreak after hearing Rick Ross enthuse about date rape...
2. I refer to groups of people as “you guys” more often than I want to admit. This is bad one for me because this is probably the first feminist stance I ever actively took in life. When I was a wee little lass I realized that it was silly to call a group of people “you guys” especially if the group was not guys.
3. Bitch is one of my favorite words. Sorry ya’ll. I’m pretty vulgar in general and I can’t seem to shake this one. If it’s any consolation, I use it to describe people of all genders and not just women because I’m an equal opportunity offender.
4. Sometimes (very rarely though) I feel guilty for enjoying “feminine” things like makeup, heels and boys. Ok maybe not the boys part, but definitely the former things.
5. I don’t understand women who choose to be stay at home moms forever. I respect the choice, but I just think it’s really boring to sit home all day while your kids are at all school and your husband/wife/partner is at work.
6. I will never in my life pay for a date. Self explanatory.
Being a Ladyist, much like planning a dinner with your friends on a group chat, is hard sometimes. It’s something we all have to constantly work out. You can’t just achieve Feminism. We discover new ways the patriarchy has screwed us every day and we have to learn and adapt. While I can always say that my core values are pretty solid and unwavering, it’s the little stuff that trips me up. Humans are not perfect. Not even Feminists, believe it or not, but I really think it’ll help me get better by admitting some of these to ya’ll. I also know that I’m not the only one guilty of these things. What are some of your Feminist Confessions? I really would love to know!
xoxo,
Renyelle
EDIT: I'm going to be more clear for #6. It's not nearly as self explanatory as I thought because ya'll aren't in my head. Anyway, surely a strong and
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Brown Bag Reflection for “The F Word: Intersectional Feminisms”
I was both shocked and honored this summer when I received an email from Kimmie Garner, the previous Women’s Studies Program Assistant, asking me to speak as a member of the panel for this semester’s first brown bag, “The F Word: Intersectional Feminisms.” When I came to Colgate three years ago, I had no idea what Women’s Studies was or what being a feminist meant. If you asked me my first year, I never would have imagined that I was a feminist (even though I have been one all along), or that I would have majored in Women’s Studies (WMST), or that I would become part of the wonderful extended community of WMST people at Colgate.
After reading Kimmie’s email, I began to question her choice in asking me to join the panel and worried that I would not know what to say. I also began to second guess myself as I started to think that there are much more qualified people who could be speaking on the panel. Maybe second-guessing oneself is more of a female thing as it is difficult to always be confident in yourself in the patriarchal society we live in, but I did say yes. I dwelled on the topic the whole summer. I began to keep a running list of bullet points about things I might say and by the end of the summer, I had come up with about 5 typed pages of why I am an intersectional feminist and the different ways it impacts my life. Additionally it really allowed me to reflect on my intersectional identities and how those relate to my feminist views. In the end, the hardest part was narrowing down what I wanted to say for the few minutes I was allotted.
As I was first to speak, I wanted to make sure to clarify what I meant by “feminism” and “intersectionality” as I knew a lot of new people would be in attendance, and I can surely say that when I was a first-year, those terms were way over my head. Keeping it simple, I gave the definition put forth by bell hooks and explained that feminism is “the movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.” The movement is not about being anti-male (I like guys!), but rather that sexism is the problem. It’s about recognizing and taking steps to combat patriarchy and institutionalized sexism. This is an ongoing process and everyday all of us at Colgate can be part of the change on campus by doing and living feminism and showing that we believe in equality and respect for all peoples. I explained that intersectionality is the way one’s identities come together and that in order to work to combat sexism, it is necessary to recognize other -isms that exist and learn about the ways certain intersecting oppressions interact with each other.
In my spiel, I talked about how I identify as a Jewish feminist as well as a feminist in Greek life at Colgate. Additionally, I touched on the importance of being a woman on campus and being a leader and upstanding citizen in whatever way possible. Women at Colgate should not be afraid to speak up and to speak with authority, and we cannot let what men (or what others) might think of us hold us back. I used to be intimidated to speak up in certain male-dominated spheres (which let’s face it, that includes most things), but that is something I am constantly working on. Furthermore, it is so important for women at Colgate to hold leadership positions around campus considering the history of our school. Colgate was an all-male institution merely 40 years ago and finally caught up with the majority of colleges when it became co-educational in 1970. Being a woman on campus in the 1970s could not have been easy, and even today, it is not easy, but we can take steps to make it better when we speak up about things we do not agree with.
Word usage is another huge aspect of how I try to live feminism everyday and how I think feminists as leaders can help make changes. One important differentiation is “girls and boys” versus “men and women” which might not sound like a big deal, but it is. All of us at Colgate are men and women. Oftentimes, we fall into the habit of using colloquial language, and I am not saying that I do not do it too, but I think we need to be more aware of it. One time, one of my male friends was telling me about how he was networking with “this girl at JP Morgan.” I called him out on it and explained that he could not call her a girl, especially as she was in her late 20s/early 30s and if he said that in an interview, he surely would not have been hired. Calling a woman that age a girl is frankly offensive and nobody would ever call a man that age a boy unless it was an insult. Right there is just one of the many patriarchal biases that exist in English.
Another thing I think it is important to just be conscious of is saying “hey you guys” to a group of mixed people. Guys do not make up the whole world, in fact, they make up a bit less than half of it. Although it is a habit I fall into as well, it is important to just be aware and maybe make attempts to find other phrases that are more inclusive like “y’all” or “everybody.” Furthermore, it is important to keep others accountable of certain words and phrases that can be hurtful. When someone says “that’s so gay” or “that shirt is dykey” or any other number of things along those lines, it is important as a feminist in everyday life to call their attention to that. As Ben said on the panel, that does not necessarily mean embarrassing them but just making them conscious that what they said is not what they meant.
Another thing I think it is important to just be conscious of is saying “hey you guys” to a group of mixed people. Guys do not make up the whole world, in fact, they make up a bit less than half of it. Although it is a habit I fall into as well, it is important to just be aware and maybe make attempts to find other phrases that are more inclusive like “y’all” or “everybody.” Furthermore, it is important to keep others accountable of certain words and phrases that can be hurtful. When someone says “that’s so gay” or “that shirt is dykey” or any other number of things along those lines, it is important as a feminist in everyday life to call their attention to that. As Ben said on the panel, that does not necessarily mean embarrassing them but just making them conscious that what they said is not what they meant.
In a nutshell, as an intersectional feminist, it is important to stand up for all sorts of identities and treat all peoples according to the Golden Rule. There are so many simple ways to live and do feminism, and some people might be doing feminism and not even realize it, which is OK! At the end of the Brown Bag during the Q&A session, one male student in the audience raised his hand and almost in disbelief said, “Well I think I’m a feminist!” It was a great moment of self-realization for both him and I’m assuming other people in the audience. Feminism is not crazy or radical as it has been perceived in the media and throughout history. Rather, being a feminist should be one of the most natural things for us as (I like to think) inherently good beings. Why wouldn’t you want equality for all regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, class, ability, religion, etc?!
-Lindsey Skerker '14
Monday, May 6, 2013
An Open Letter to the Class of 2017
Dear Incoming First-Years,
I still find it a little nauseating to think that there's a Class of 2017. Nothing personal, it's just a scary reminder that I'm actually graduating. 2017 feels so far away, but then again I said the same thing four years ago about my senior spring and now look where we are. If you're wondering why I'm writing this, it's because panic is setting in as the clock ticks down to May 19th and it terrifies me to think that after four years of intense investments of time, emotion, energy, thought, advocacy, patience, and love, I have to leave Colgate in the hands of not only my peers but of hundreds of strangers who are starting right where I started four years ago. And I think what scares me the most is how little I knew as first-year, and that I won't be there to pass on what I've learned to the newest incarnation of first-year me. So since I won't be here to tell you in person, I'm writing you this letter.
Let me start over. Hello! You are about to start one of the most exciting, terrifying, frustrating, encouraging, enlightening, challenging, and beautiful adventures of your life. I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but when I say it I don't mean it as some monolithic prescription for what your Colgate experience will be. Some of you will love Colgate to pieces, as I've come to over the years, but I certainly didn't start there, and some of you will be a lot less satisfied with your experience. Colgate harbours both streams of experience for several reasons, some of which I'll clue you into here, but others of which you must find for yourself. But regardless of how you feel about your experience once that diploma's in your hands (or should you decide Colgate is not for you, when you've finally shut that proverbial door), this is your new home for the next four or so years. Contrary to how we behave here sometimes, Colgate is the real world, just a highly distilled and particular specimen of the larger culture. You will live here with about 3000 other people and as is the central issue of all human history, you must learn how not to destroy each other.
What I have to say might not apply to you. It might apply to you more than you ever thought possible to ask. You'll just have to find out.
I've prepared a list of 13 (of course) things that should you learn nothing else here, I hope you at least learn these:
1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You'll meet people here who will genuinely care about you. It might not always feel like it, and we like to hide behind our alcohol to avoid that fact, but everyone else is just as scared as you are of making connections, and the only way to overcome that particular fear is by letting yourself connect. I know especially for minority students (believe me I know #tokentrannyproblems), this campus can be alienating, but you'll be surprised how nice people here are if you just ask.
2) NO means NO, and YES means YES. The hook-up culture is frankly weird and it bleeds into how we interact with each other in the morning because this school is so small. Whether you choose to participate or not (and there are people who don't, FYI), make sure you're respecting yourselves and each other. Sexual assault is a huge issue on this campus, and it's created by a lot of power structures that we try to combat here at the Center for Women's Studies (see number 6). But not only can we think about consent in the no-means-no paradigm (it really is that simple), but we can also think about it in a much more sex-positive way. HINT: sex is soooo much better when both parties (or more if that's your pleasure) are a) not blackout (WARNING: PEOPLE WHO ARE BLACKOUT CAN'T CONSENT. PERIOD. DON'T EVEN TRY.) and b) actively interested in participating. If you're not quite sure if hooking up is for you, don't feel pressured to do it anyway. And if you maybe want to try some things but not others, absolutely let your potential partner know that (see number 1).
3) Check your privilege at the door. Okay, so that's kind of cliche, but actually, get over yourself. Probably the one thing that scares me most about first-years is maturity. This is the first time that a lot of you might be exposed to people of different beliefs, races, sexual orientations, gender identities, socioeconomic stati, abilities, etc. It's good to be curious; really good. But it's even better to be respectful. Some of us are absolutely gung-ho about sharing our experiences (you can literally ask me anything I swear), but don't assume that just because someone's identity is different from yours that you have a right to their life story. Oh, and if they say this is who they are, this is who they are. You are not the expert on their name or gender or other identity. If I say I'm a girl, I'm a girl, and that's that. Also, we all have something unique about us that makes us feel inadequate or misunderstood. Similarly, all of us have privileges, they just might be different and in larger degrees for some. Bottom line, be respectful, and try to see where your privileges and oppressions lie. Chances are, you aren't alone in them.
4) Don't be polite; be kind. There are few things I dislike more than polite people. It is not because I think we should all be rude. It's because it's fake. I want to see people who are genuinely kind, who actively care about other people that are important to them. If you really want to know, ask, but don't ask because you have to, ask because you want to know the answer. If you ask how I am, I'm going to tell you, and you probably won't like what I have to say. If you don't understand my identity, don't assume, but also don't ask and then make a big deal about how you're so enlightened now. I'm a person just like you. I do random boring stuff just like you. Sometimes the best friends are those who don't care about the other stuff, they just see you the way you see you (emphasis on sometimes).
5) Be curious, be involved, be bold. This campus is overprogrammed. Which I find hilarious because I literally see the same 100 people participating in EVERYTHING. Clearly there's a giant block of people on this campus who don't really do anything. We need to find a way to condense our events so that we can actually go support each other, but we also actually need people to show up. If you have an interest, follow it. Don't be scared, the people in the organizations that you're looking at (most of the time) actively want you to be there. If we don't get new members, we die. And clubs dying is sad. You'll be surprised who you meet when you try something new, and it might just end up being something you're really passionate about. Don't worry about the first-year clique bullshit that I see all the time. I know it's hard to step out of your friendship bubble, but there are some really cool people waiting to share something with you that both of you are equally fired up about.
6) Shameless plug: the Center for Women's Studies is NOT just for women. If you're any sort of gender or sexual minority or are close to someone who is (or are just a curious ally), the Center for Women's Studies might just be your new home. And it certainly feels like one. We're actively invested in changing the culture of this school for the better, and we want you (all of you) to be part of that conversation. It is one of the safest spaces on this campus and the various feminisms that go on there are absolutely interested in finding the intersections of many people in our community. You just might be one of them. The Center is for women, but also for men and other gender identities who want to talk about gender, and it's a broad conversation. Chances are you'll be surprised at just how broad a net a gendered lens can cast. Oh, and by the way, "Feminism" is probably NOT what you think it is. The number of capital-F Feminists on this campus is very small, and even they're not as scary as you think they are. We like to talk about feminisms (plural), because contrary to popular opinion, all of us see the road to gender equality differently and focus on different ways to get to the same goal. My feminism looks way different than yours or someone else's might look.
7) Both Greek-affiliated and non-Greek-affiliated students go to school here. Let's try to coexist (see number 1). The Greek system needs reform. Not disbanding, not continued reign over the social sphere, reform. The hook-up culture, the drinking culture, and the patriarchal culture we inherited from pre-coeducation Colgate all reinforce each other to make this campus a pretty messed up place. And try as we might, we can't change one without changing the other two. (And until America gets its life in check and lowers the drinking age, we can't really do a whole lot about the drinking culture anyway. see 9) A huge piece of that puzzle is the Greek system. There is already a petition in place to address the sexism in the number of sororities versus the number of fraternities on campus, which is a step in the right direction. But more needs to be done.
There was a group of students last year who were invested in dismantling the Greek system, and this issue got tied into a larger discourse about racism, sexism, and homophobia that was circulating at the time (see number 8). I don't think this will solve the problem, because these organizations don't go away; they go underground. The bigger issue is that there is very little inter-fraternity or inter-sorority bonding, and these institutions of hegemonic masculinity and femininity reinforce compulsory heterosexuality. I want to see a world where a guy treats me the same when he sees me one on one as when he sees me when he's with his brothers. I don't see that very often.
My point is, Greek life has an obvious draw for some people. Not so for others. I don't think that means we can't be friends.
8) Colgate has a history, and it's chock full of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and a bunch of other -isms. Don't let's sugar-coat it; Colgate's got a long way to go. To quote This is Not a Play about Sex, "diversity on this campus is a bullet point on a pamphlet". I have literally faced institutional discrimination every semester I've been here, and I'm not the only one. It's gotten better since I first came here. Your preferred name can now be used in official communications. Gender neutral housing is (as far as I know) about to become a reality. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE ACCOMODATIONS. Because those who came before you fought long and hard for everything that you now can take for granted. ALANA and HRC are the result of intense social movement on this campus. So was coeducation, and the Center for Women's Studies, and the response to the hate speech on the coming out doors. Change is possible. But let's also not forget that change was necessary in the first place.
9) At Colgate it's a typical Thursday. In the 'real world', it's Alcoholism. I didn't drink my first year. Neither did a lot of my friends. Now we're the center of the party, and oh yeah, my liver's already shot. The pressure to drink on this campus is enormous. So much so that it might surprise you that when Colgate students go to other schools and party, they get a reputation for being fricking insane. According to the Princeton Review, we're ranked number 4 nationally in the category of "Lots of Beer" (why this is even a category is inherently fascinating to me). In the rest of the states, let alone if you go abroad, we're kind of an anomaly in terms of drinking habits.
That's not to say don't drink. I'm saying, it's hard not to, and I think that's not okay. I remember the first time I was at a party (my second night of college), I felt like I lost something, a kind of innocence. Because never again would it be enough to do things together sober. Alcohol is not the center of the universe, and it shouldn't be the center of ours either. There are plenty of dry events on this campus that are actually really fun (see 5), especially in groups of close friends that you feel comfortable being sober around (see 1). Because that's the real issue. We trust each other drunk implicitly; that's the only way we get away with half the shenanigans we do. Sober, we don't trust each other at all.
10) The goal of the game is not to see who's the most stressed. It's to get a degree. Literally every one I know does it. It's the Busy Olympics. We out-do each other trying to show just how much we have going on at once and complaining how stressed we are. In the very same breath, we joke about how we haven't done our homework in a month, how many classes we skipped, and the fact that we're not starting our paper until the morning it's do (I'm guilty of all of these). Part of it is cultural. A few years ago, author Liz Funk came to Colgate and talked about "Supergirls", girls who feel like they have to do everything just to get a foothold in a patriarchal culture. We're killing ourselves trying to overachieve because we don't eat, don't sleep, and don't believe we deserve to take a break. And when we do indulge in 'me'-time, it's an indulgence, not a part of mental health.
This is bass ackwards. You shouldn't have to double major and take five and a half classes and be president of two clubs with mono in order to be seen as a success. And you shouldn't have to drink yourself to death four nights in a row to be seen as socially well-adjusted (for the irony of that, see 9). There is a joke that in college you have to pick two of the following: good grades, a social life, and sleep. But I did the math. If the recommended daily amount of sleep is 8 hours, that leaves 8 hours for school work and 8 hours for a social life. A DAY. That means even if you have four classes on one day of the week, you can spend four more doing homework, get a good night's sleep, be involved in clubs for 4 hours straight, and still have time to get your party on.
By the way, procrastinating on facebook is only partial credit for "social life" (see 1)
11) You're here to learn. My dad has said this to me nonstop since I was in elementary school. "You're there to learn." And yeah, on the basic definitional level, I'm at school to get an education. Duh. And obviously what he means is, "you're there to learn, not goof off and waste your time doing whatever it is you do" (see 10, and also 3). But I think there's more to it than that. I think on a cosmic level, we're all at Colgate to learn something. Maybe we'll learn it in a classroom. Maybe we'll learn it vomiting into a toilet at 3am. Maybe we'll learn it when a friend is a victim of sexual assault. Maybe we'll learn it when we inherit a group from the seniors. Maybe we'll learn it when we meet our best friend. Maybe we'll learn it when we have to leave. All I know is I've learned more here in the past four years than I ever thought possible, and I shudder to think of the person I would have become had I not come here. I think, the thing I learned most here is myself. Xavia Publius didn't exist four years ago. Ze's here now. I learned to be proud of that.
12) DON'T PANIC Chances are, you're gonna do something stupid in college. That's what it's here for. Just fix it and move on, and learn from it (see 11). That something stupid might be your major. If you're one of those, congratulations! Welcome to the very very large club. Turns out, this is an economy for a certain type of person. If you went to Colgate, you're either absolutely that type of person (see 3, but not necessarily), or you're absolutely not. By the time 2017 rolls around (and it will roll around), you might be wondering why you didn't choose a more 'sensible' major. DON'T PANIC. I'm panicing, but that's because we live in a transphobic society (okay, fine, minority students, you're allowed to panic a little. This is 'Murica after all). But I've realized that panicing won't help me. You know what will? Feeling something. I hate to out everyone on campus simultaneously, but we're ALL. NERDS. We're some of the best and brightest from our high schools. Even the most brain-dead-seeming person at this school got the grades to get in here. And furthermore, despite the fact that we all look like there was an attractiveness portion of the application, we're really, really smart, and that made getting through high-school a little bit more difficult. Each of us has a kryptonite, that one thing that we will fangirl about for hours if you let us. It's the thing we love most about this little planet we call home.
DON'T PANIC. According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the way to fly is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Not sure how to miss the ground? Think of that thing you love, the thing you want to live the rest of your life loving. If you let yourself get distracted enough in your favourite thing, you'll forget how stressful being a real person can be. There's a place for us, somewhere. We just have to find it. And it's scary, but you've got your towel with you, cleverly disguised as a Colgate diploma that holds within it everything you've ever learned here. And trust me, compared to some of the crazies we keep hearing about on the news? You'll be just fine.
13) TL;DR You live here now. This is your home. Respect it and each other like your life depends on it (it does). Remember how I said Colgate has a history? (see 8 if you don't) Part of the danger of forgetting history is to repeat it. But the blessing of forgetting history is the ability to think outside of it, to forge new alliances based not on old hatreds, but on the simple human desire to connect. The future of Colgate is in your hands now. It no longer matters if you are capable or not; admissions seems to think so. The time has come, (as we say in the drag world) for you to lip sync for your life. Don't f*** it up. (see 12)
Take care of each other.
Love,
Xavia Publius '13
I still find it a little nauseating to think that there's a Class of 2017. Nothing personal, it's just a scary reminder that I'm actually graduating. 2017 feels so far away, but then again I said the same thing four years ago about my senior spring and now look where we are. If you're wondering why I'm writing this, it's because panic is setting in as the clock ticks down to May 19th and it terrifies me to think that after four years of intense investments of time, emotion, energy, thought, advocacy, patience, and love, I have to leave Colgate in the hands of not only my peers but of hundreds of strangers who are starting right where I started four years ago. And I think what scares me the most is how little I knew as first-year, and that I won't be there to pass on what I've learned to the newest incarnation of first-year me. So since I won't be here to tell you in person, I'm writing you this letter.
Let me start over. Hello! You are about to start one of the most exciting, terrifying, frustrating, encouraging, enlightening, challenging, and beautiful adventures of your life. I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but when I say it I don't mean it as some monolithic prescription for what your Colgate experience will be. Some of you will love Colgate to pieces, as I've come to over the years, but I certainly didn't start there, and some of you will be a lot less satisfied with your experience. Colgate harbours both streams of experience for several reasons, some of which I'll clue you into here, but others of which you must find for yourself. But regardless of how you feel about your experience once that diploma's in your hands (or should you decide Colgate is not for you, when you've finally shut that proverbial door), this is your new home for the next four or so years. Contrary to how we behave here sometimes, Colgate is the real world, just a highly distilled and particular specimen of the larger culture. You will live here with about 3000 other people and as is the central issue of all human history, you must learn how not to destroy each other.
What I have to say might not apply to you. It might apply to you more than you ever thought possible to ask. You'll just have to find out.
I've prepared a list of 13 (of course) things that should you learn nothing else here, I hope you at least learn these:
1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You'll meet people here who will genuinely care about you. It might not always feel like it, and we like to hide behind our alcohol to avoid that fact, but everyone else is just as scared as you are of making connections, and the only way to overcome that particular fear is by letting yourself connect. I know especially for minority students (believe me I know #tokentrannyproblems), this campus can be alienating, but you'll be surprised how nice people here are if you just ask.
2) NO means NO, and YES means YES. The hook-up culture is frankly weird and it bleeds into how we interact with each other in the morning because this school is so small. Whether you choose to participate or not (and there are people who don't, FYI), make sure you're respecting yourselves and each other. Sexual assault is a huge issue on this campus, and it's created by a lot of power structures that we try to combat here at the Center for Women's Studies (see number 6). But not only can we think about consent in the no-means-no paradigm (it really is that simple), but we can also think about it in a much more sex-positive way. HINT: sex is soooo much better when both parties (or more if that's your pleasure) are a) not blackout (WARNING: PEOPLE WHO ARE BLACKOUT CAN'T CONSENT. PERIOD. DON'T EVEN TRY.) and b) actively interested in participating. If you're not quite sure if hooking up is for you, don't feel pressured to do it anyway. And if you maybe want to try some things but not others, absolutely let your potential partner know that (see number 1).
3) Check your privilege at the door. Okay, so that's kind of cliche, but actually, get over yourself. Probably the one thing that scares me most about first-years is maturity. This is the first time that a lot of you might be exposed to people of different beliefs, races, sexual orientations, gender identities, socioeconomic stati, abilities, etc. It's good to be curious; really good. But it's even better to be respectful. Some of us are absolutely gung-ho about sharing our experiences (you can literally ask me anything I swear), but don't assume that just because someone's identity is different from yours that you have a right to their life story. Oh, and if they say this is who they are, this is who they are. You are not the expert on their name or gender or other identity. If I say I'm a girl, I'm a girl, and that's that. Also, we all have something unique about us that makes us feel inadequate or misunderstood. Similarly, all of us have privileges, they just might be different and in larger degrees for some. Bottom line, be respectful, and try to see where your privileges and oppressions lie. Chances are, you aren't alone in them.
4) Don't be polite; be kind. There are few things I dislike more than polite people. It is not because I think we should all be rude. It's because it's fake. I want to see people who are genuinely kind, who actively care about other people that are important to them. If you really want to know, ask, but don't ask because you have to, ask because you want to know the answer. If you ask how I am, I'm going to tell you, and you probably won't like what I have to say. If you don't understand my identity, don't assume, but also don't ask and then make a big deal about how you're so enlightened now. I'm a person just like you. I do random boring stuff just like you. Sometimes the best friends are those who don't care about the other stuff, they just see you the way you see you (emphasis on sometimes).
5) Be curious, be involved, be bold. This campus is overprogrammed. Which I find hilarious because I literally see the same 100 people participating in EVERYTHING. Clearly there's a giant block of people on this campus who don't really do anything. We need to find a way to condense our events so that we can actually go support each other, but we also actually need people to show up. If you have an interest, follow it. Don't be scared, the people in the organizations that you're looking at (most of the time) actively want you to be there. If we don't get new members, we die. And clubs dying is sad. You'll be surprised who you meet when you try something new, and it might just end up being something you're really passionate about. Don't worry about the first-year clique bullshit that I see all the time. I know it's hard to step out of your friendship bubble, but there are some really cool people waiting to share something with you that both of you are equally fired up about.
6) Shameless plug: the Center for Women's Studies is NOT just for women. If you're any sort of gender or sexual minority or are close to someone who is (or are just a curious ally), the Center for Women's Studies might just be your new home. And it certainly feels like one. We're actively invested in changing the culture of this school for the better, and we want you (all of you) to be part of that conversation. It is one of the safest spaces on this campus and the various feminisms that go on there are absolutely interested in finding the intersections of many people in our community. You just might be one of them. The Center is for women, but also for men and other gender identities who want to talk about gender, and it's a broad conversation. Chances are you'll be surprised at just how broad a net a gendered lens can cast. Oh, and by the way, "Feminism" is probably NOT what you think it is. The number of capital-F Feminists on this campus is very small, and even they're not as scary as you think they are. We like to talk about feminisms (plural), because contrary to popular opinion, all of us see the road to gender equality differently and focus on different ways to get to the same goal. My feminism looks way different than yours or someone else's might look.
7) Both Greek-affiliated and non-Greek-affiliated students go to school here. Let's try to coexist (see number 1). The Greek system needs reform. Not disbanding, not continued reign over the social sphere, reform. The hook-up culture, the drinking culture, and the patriarchal culture we inherited from pre-coeducation Colgate all reinforce each other to make this campus a pretty messed up place. And try as we might, we can't change one without changing the other two. (And until America gets its life in check and lowers the drinking age, we can't really do a whole lot about the drinking culture anyway. see 9) A huge piece of that puzzle is the Greek system. There is already a petition in place to address the sexism in the number of sororities versus the number of fraternities on campus, which is a step in the right direction. But more needs to be done.
There was a group of students last year who were invested in dismantling the Greek system, and this issue got tied into a larger discourse about racism, sexism, and homophobia that was circulating at the time (see number 8). I don't think this will solve the problem, because these organizations don't go away; they go underground. The bigger issue is that there is very little inter-fraternity or inter-sorority bonding, and these institutions of hegemonic masculinity and femininity reinforce compulsory heterosexuality. I want to see a world where a guy treats me the same when he sees me one on one as when he sees me when he's with his brothers. I don't see that very often.
My point is, Greek life has an obvious draw for some people. Not so for others. I don't think that means we can't be friends.
8) Colgate has a history, and it's chock full of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and a bunch of other -isms. Don't let's sugar-coat it; Colgate's got a long way to go. To quote This is Not a Play about Sex, "diversity on this campus is a bullet point on a pamphlet". I have literally faced institutional discrimination every semester I've been here, and I'm not the only one. It's gotten better since I first came here. Your preferred name can now be used in official communications. Gender neutral housing is (as far as I know) about to become a reality. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE ACCOMODATIONS. Because those who came before you fought long and hard for everything that you now can take for granted. ALANA and HRC are the result of intense social movement on this campus. So was coeducation, and the Center for Women's Studies, and the response to the hate speech on the coming out doors. Change is possible. But let's also not forget that change was necessary in the first place.
9) At Colgate it's a typical Thursday. In the 'real world', it's Alcoholism. I didn't drink my first year. Neither did a lot of my friends. Now we're the center of the party, and oh yeah, my liver's already shot. The pressure to drink on this campus is enormous. So much so that it might surprise you that when Colgate students go to other schools and party, they get a reputation for being fricking insane. According to the Princeton Review, we're ranked number 4 nationally in the category of "Lots of Beer" (why this is even a category is inherently fascinating to me). In the rest of the states, let alone if you go abroad, we're kind of an anomaly in terms of drinking habits.
That's not to say don't drink. I'm saying, it's hard not to, and I think that's not okay. I remember the first time I was at a party (my second night of college), I felt like I lost something, a kind of innocence. Because never again would it be enough to do things together sober. Alcohol is not the center of the universe, and it shouldn't be the center of ours either. There are plenty of dry events on this campus that are actually really fun (see 5), especially in groups of close friends that you feel comfortable being sober around (see 1). Because that's the real issue. We trust each other drunk implicitly; that's the only way we get away with half the shenanigans we do. Sober, we don't trust each other at all.
10) The goal of the game is not to see who's the most stressed. It's to get a degree. Literally every one I know does it. It's the Busy Olympics. We out-do each other trying to show just how much we have going on at once and complaining how stressed we are. In the very same breath, we joke about how we haven't done our homework in a month, how many classes we skipped, and the fact that we're not starting our paper until the morning it's do (I'm guilty of all of these). Part of it is cultural. A few years ago, author Liz Funk came to Colgate and talked about "Supergirls", girls who feel like they have to do everything just to get a foothold in a patriarchal culture. We're killing ourselves trying to overachieve because we don't eat, don't sleep, and don't believe we deserve to take a break. And when we do indulge in 'me'-time, it's an indulgence, not a part of mental health.
This is bass ackwards. You shouldn't have to double major and take five and a half classes and be president of two clubs with mono in order to be seen as a success. And you shouldn't have to drink yourself to death four nights in a row to be seen as socially well-adjusted (for the irony of that, see 9). There is a joke that in college you have to pick two of the following: good grades, a social life, and sleep. But I did the math. If the recommended daily amount of sleep is 8 hours, that leaves 8 hours for school work and 8 hours for a social life. A DAY. That means even if you have four classes on one day of the week, you can spend four more doing homework, get a good night's sleep, be involved in clubs for 4 hours straight, and still have time to get your party on.
By the way, procrastinating on facebook is only partial credit for "social life" (see 1)
11) You're here to learn. My dad has said this to me nonstop since I was in elementary school. "You're there to learn." And yeah, on the basic definitional level, I'm at school to get an education. Duh. And obviously what he means is, "you're there to learn, not goof off and waste your time doing whatever it is you do" (see 10, and also 3). But I think there's more to it than that. I think on a cosmic level, we're all at Colgate to learn something. Maybe we'll learn it in a classroom. Maybe we'll learn it vomiting into a toilet at 3am. Maybe we'll learn it when a friend is a victim of sexual assault. Maybe we'll learn it when we inherit a group from the seniors. Maybe we'll learn it when we meet our best friend. Maybe we'll learn it when we have to leave. All I know is I've learned more here in the past four years than I ever thought possible, and I shudder to think of the person I would have become had I not come here. I think, the thing I learned most here is myself. Xavia Publius didn't exist four years ago. Ze's here now. I learned to be proud of that.
12) DON'T PANIC Chances are, you're gonna do something stupid in college. That's what it's here for. Just fix it and move on, and learn from it (see 11). That something stupid might be your major. If you're one of those, congratulations! Welcome to the very very large club. Turns out, this is an economy for a certain type of person. If you went to Colgate, you're either absolutely that type of person (see 3, but not necessarily), or you're absolutely not. By the time 2017 rolls around (and it will roll around), you might be wondering why you didn't choose a more 'sensible' major. DON'T PANIC. I'm panicing, but that's because we live in a transphobic society (okay, fine, minority students, you're allowed to panic a little. This is 'Murica after all). But I've realized that panicing won't help me. You know what will? Feeling something. I hate to out everyone on campus simultaneously, but we're ALL. NERDS. We're some of the best and brightest from our high schools. Even the most brain-dead-seeming person at this school got the grades to get in here. And furthermore, despite the fact that we all look like there was an attractiveness portion of the application, we're really, really smart, and that made getting through high-school a little bit more difficult. Each of us has a kryptonite, that one thing that we will fangirl about for hours if you let us. It's the thing we love most about this little planet we call home.
DON'T PANIC. According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the way to fly is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Not sure how to miss the ground? Think of that thing you love, the thing you want to live the rest of your life loving. If you let yourself get distracted enough in your favourite thing, you'll forget how stressful being a real person can be. There's a place for us, somewhere. We just have to find it. And it's scary, but you've got your towel with you, cleverly disguised as a Colgate diploma that holds within it everything you've ever learned here. And trust me, compared to some of the crazies we keep hearing about on the news? You'll be just fine.
13) TL;DR You live here now. This is your home. Respect it and each other like your life depends on it (it does). Remember how I said Colgate has a history? (see 8 if you don't) Part of the danger of forgetting history is to repeat it. But the blessing of forgetting history is the ability to think outside of it, to forge new alliances based not on old hatreds, but on the simple human desire to connect. The future of Colgate is in your hands now. It no longer matters if you are capable or not; admissions seems to think so. The time has come, (as we say in the drag world) for you to lip sync for your life. Don't f*** it up. (see 12)
Take care of each other.
Love,
Xavia Publius '13
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
My Experience With Feminism
About a month ago, Elizabeth Marino contributed a
courageous article to the Maroon News in
which she discussed “The Definition of Feminism.” I will not recount all of
what she said as anyone who wants to can simply look it up online (for those of
you who haven’t read it, I encourage you to do so). I will, however, mention
her main point, which was this: feminism isn’t defined by radical ideals; it is
defined by the desire for equality. Despite the simplicity of the concept, many
people continue to harbor ill feelings towards feminists, and feminism as a
whole. These ill feelings, albeit sprung from ignorance, are feelings that have
significantly influenced my own identification with feminism, especially on
Colgate’s campus.
I have had a difficult time negotiating my identity as a
feminist because of the negative stereotypes that are associated with feminism.
As Elizabeth mentioned, feminists are commonly stereotyped as angry, man-hating, hairy, butch lesbians
and are thus viewed in opposition to traditional notions of “normalcy.” As a
woman who enjoys accentuating her femininity and participating in the
mainstream culture at Colgate, it was hard for me to identify as a feminist.
Many of the women I interacted with at the Women’s Studies Center were so
comfortable in their identity and were so unafraid of speaking up for what they
believed in. Witnessing the fervor with which they voiced certain beliefs that I did
not share made me question whether I was truly feminist enough.
I was
also hesitant to identify as a feminist because I was afraid that people would
judge
me. Of
course there are many individuals on campus that are accepting and have nothing
bad to say about Women’s Studies as a concentration or feminism as a whole.
Unfortunately, however, this is not the norm. I cannot count the amount of
times that I have been met with an ignorant comment, a condescending question,
or a stupid joke simply because there are too many to count. With each comment,
question, or joke, I became more and more introverted about feminism. I am a
dual concentrator with English and Women’s Studies, but I found that, when
asked my major, I would never mention my Women’s Studies concentration. It
could be argued that my experience simply highlights my own individual
weakness, something I am genuinely embarrassed of. After becoming more involved
in the Women’s Studies Center this semester, however, I have come to realize
that this is not simply an individual issue.
As a
society we are often taught to question ourselves, not the society in which we
live. It is because of our society, however, that many, like me, fear
expressing feminist beliefs. The issue isn’t the people who are uncomfortable
with identifying as feminists; the issue is the stigma associated with
feminism. Elizabeth addresses this stigma in her article, but I would like to
reiterate that there are many forms of feminism and that you don’t have to be
radical to be a feminist. Gloria Steinem eloquently states, “The story of
women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one
organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights.”
Feminism is a collective effort and if you believe in liberty, justice and
equality, all fundamentally American beliefs, then you too identify as a
feminist.
This
being said, my original belief that I wasn’t feminist enough was completely
wrong. I have found that I can participate in the mainstream culture on campus
while still maintaining my integrity and feminist beliefs. I believe that
having a foot in both worlds actually gives me a bit of an edge whenever I find
myself in debates with others. I am an everyday feminist: a non-radical
feminist who performs feminism throughout the course of her everyday
activities. It wasn’t until recently, however, that I came to terms with my own
feminism and my transformation is owed in part to my Women’s Studies Capstone. Without
a supportive group and without the motivation to step out of my comfort zone, I
can’t say that I would have had the courage to openly identify as a feminist as
I have done here. Support is a strong motivator and is something that defines
every great movement. With this being said, I would also like to acknowledge and thank the WMST bloggers for their
contributions and for their courage to speak up. As Professor Loe told me,
“All feminists need support
for what they do!” It took me four years to find my feminist voice, and to
openly support others as I hope to have done here for Elizabeth. Now, I
challenge you to do the same.
-Ariel Rivera '13
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